23 March 2012

New Plan

Well, I’ve thought of a new plan to achieve both my fitness goals and my writing goals. Well, they are both rather “vague” at short term, but in the long term, I have the goal in mind.

Fitness goal: weight 170 at 12% body fat.
Writing goal: Finish editing my novel this year; write short stories and poems; write exercises, blogs, etc.

What I’ve broken my days down into: wake up at 6am for yoga, have breakfast, plan the day, meditation on chakras to balance energy, meditate on other things. Then it is off on my bike to the gym from 7:30 to 9:10ish when I will ride my bike home. Shake, shower, and “primping” until 10. Write from 10 to 4 with 15 minute breaks every hour. After I’m finished writing for the day, I have free time to read, participate in critique groups, etc.

How is that for planning? Now I just have to actually start waking up at 6am and treating these activities with the energy they both deserve. Whew.

02 March 2012

Rejections From Schools

I know this is a little early, and some may consider me pessimistic, but I’d like to think I’m realistic on this one. I’ve received four confirmed rejections from the 19 that I applied to (to which I applied would eliminated the preposition at the end, but sounds stuffy and silly). I am 99% sure that I will receive another 7 rejections. How? I belong to a group on facebook full of people in the same boat as me: MFA applicants for the year 2012. Those 7 additional rejections are from schools that have sent out acceptances, and most have sent out rejections and wait-lists as well. Perhaps I won’t be, but the odds are not in my favor at this point.

The other 8 schools, I completely unsure of; I have no information as of yet. I’m not going to hold my breath. Several people have informed that it only takes one acceptance: yes this is true; however, I would like to have options and choices. If I don’t get funding, I can’t go. I have no money, and no way to get money anymore. I’m broker than broke. So no money = not going (one of the reason I applied to schools where funding was easier to get).

I know I my application wasn’t the strongest it could have been. I had issues gathering three letters of recommendation. It’s like trying to plan a get-to-together. It’s nigh impossible! My writing sample, wasn’t my best, but it was the most polished, and I asked for help in putting it together. My statements were much better this year, but probably sub-par. If I don’t get into any schools, or get enough funding, I’ll be applying again. Which will suck.

Rejection fucking sucks. But it’s a part of my life, and will continue to be a part of my life. In both writing and dating. But that’s another blog.

Anyway, I’ll be working on writing, teaching, and hoping for the best—in a realistic manner. I hope your day is better than mine!

14 February 2012

Valentine's Day-The Ugly Past

9 years and one day ago, I was kicked out of my dad’s house for being gay at age 18.

This sounds awful, but that was over—barely—nine years ago. Since then, the relationship between my dad and myself has repaired to pre-gay levels, maybe stronger.

The point, however, is that Valentine’s Day—for me—has special painful significance due to that experience. Though it is no longer fresh, I am reminded every year of that moment where I thought I would be homeless. Thankfully, my grandma and grandpa took me in, though they were by no means more accepting.

In those years, I’ve always been single on this day, in fact my entire life (excepting when I dated my best girl friend in high school) I’ve been single on this day. Up until last year, it was the worst day of the year, a nasty, institutionalized holiday of pain.

Last year, I decided to be my own valentine, and the day after (because I don’t care all that much, and I’m poor) I bought myself a rose, a card, a bear, and some chocolate as a treat and reminder to love myself. This simple, small action made a powerful difference in my life, and this year it isn’t so painful to be alone.

Perhaps in the future, I’ll be more receptive to a positive day. Today, I’m still not feeling the love, but at least the pain isn’t so great.

02 January 2012


I went on several dates this last week, and planned other that got moved, but one went exceptionally well, and I wasn’t annoyed at the guy at all—surprise, surprise! And of course, I think the postponement went well, when I gave my expectations and thoughts up front. I know, bad me right? Well, here we go...

1) Always be respectful and courteous (this holds true in every type of relationship).

2) Be truthful.

3) Set and time and place if asking another.

4) Know what you expect, and let the other person know as well—it could save hurt feelings.

5) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If no is the answer, accept that.

Well, I could go on, but I think, upon further reflection, that point 1 brings up everything. In my, albeit limited, experience, that one truth always seems to make the difference. If I’m being respectful, I’m being truth, I’m asking or setting times and place, finding expectations, etc.

One last one:

Do what works for you. If you feel you have to “train” dates, train by example. Show them how you want to be treated and everything will go as smoothly as possible.

18 October 2011

Grandpa Came Home

Grandpa is now home. He came home this evening and from what I heard, there was initial drama. I’m glad I wasn’t here for that.

But I’ve realized this evening that I will witness someone dying.

There isn’t much more to say at this point. I will watch the deterioration and death of a close family member.

08 October 2011

The News

I’ve been meaning to blog for some time now, but I really haven’t had the energy to do any writing. I’m so busy in my everyday life that I haven’t had much thought or time to really write. To put it into perspective, I usually do laundry once a week. Last week I did laundry after waiting two and a half weeks.

So what is the deal? Well, three weeks ago, I started working with my dad again doing (de)construction on a home, and started grading papers along with the part time office work I do. This on top of my normal writing/writerly events took up most all my time. Then Grandpa ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and he’s been going up and down, and is back in the hospital again. As of the writing, I’m not sure of the condition. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Grandma or my aunt. And it’s getting late, so I’m starting to worry a bit.

That’s what my life has been the last week, is hospital, hospital, making sure Grandma is doing alright, and running from job to job. That is alright. I was told that something was coming down the pipe my way and this could very well be it.

I’m doing alright, at the moment. Tomorrow I plan on taking a hike through the foothills near my house to enjoy nature and decompress. I may even write a poem or two. In all, I think I’ll be okay. At some point I’ll need a day or two to escape and let the stress roll away before it does me any harm.

They say death is hard, dying is harder.

P.S. In other news, please ‘like’ my author page on facebook.com/kandrewturner

19 June 2011

Father's Day

Today is Father’s Day here in the USA, and perhaps other parts of the world. Of course, you probably already know that.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ve ever written for Father’s Day. When I started blogging it was 2003 and very early in that year my dad kicked me out of the house for being gay. It was not a happy time for me, and I don’t think it was for him either. So since then, I don’t think I’ve written anything for Father’s Day. But, obviously, this year is different.

I’ll start with some background history. My parents divorced when I was around 2 yrs old, so I don’t really remember much of that time, which is probably a good thing. My dad got custody of my brother and I, and he raised us by himself for a few years before he remarried.

Up until I was kicked out, I was pretty close to my dad. We’d always gotten along well enough. My step-mom and I were close too. Then the whole kicking out thing happened, and it was not a pleasant month from my coming out to the kicking out. I did not want to be home. Awkward conversation, pent up anger on both sides, general unhappiness.

Now, after not living ‘at home’ for eight years, we’ve gotten along much better. And of course, my being older sure helps. I think I’m closer to my dad that I have ever been, and while we see eye to eye on most things, we don’t on everything. And what that is should be apparent. This last year we’ve been building a bridge, and I think that’s a good thing.

Needless to say, for a few years, thinking about celebrating my dad wasn’t something I keenly looked forward too. Sure he helped bring me into the world, but what had happened still burned in my mind. I’ve forgiven him. I still love him. And perhaps one day we will see eye to eye.

For all you father’s out there, happy Father’s Day.