tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33977654839971167722024-03-13T08:40:15.579-07:00Pools of ReflectionsAll about my life, my random thoughts, and anything else that may happen. Life filtered by yours truly.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-18106096379713673342012-03-23T18:54:00.000-07:002012-03-23T19:00:56.232-07:00New PlanWell, I’ve thought of a new plan to achieve both my fitness goals and my writing goals. Well, they are both rather “vague” at short term, but in the long term, I have the goal in mind.<br /><br />Fitness goal: weight 170 at 12% body fat. <br />Writing goal: Finish editing my novel this year; write short stories and poems; write exercises, blogs, etc.<br /><br />What I’ve broken my days down into: wake up at 6am for yoga, have breakfast, plan the day, meditation on chakras to balance energy, meditate on other things. Then it is off on my bike to the gym from 7:30 to 9:10ish when I will ride my bike home. Shake, shower, and “primping” until 10. Write from 10 to 4 with 15 minute breaks every hour. After I’m finished writing for the day, I have free time to read, participate in critique groups, etc.<br /><br />How is that for planning? Now I just have to actually start waking up at 6am and treating these activities with the energy they both deserve. Whew.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-75070825227481726872012-03-02T16:51:00.000-08:002012-03-02T16:52:43.940-08:00Rejections From SchoolsI know this is a little early, and some may consider me pessimistic, but I’d like to think I’m realistic on this one. I’ve received four confirmed rejections from the 19 that I applied to (to which I applied would eliminated the preposition at the end, but sounds stuffy and silly). I am 99% sure that I will receive another 7 rejections. How? I belong to a group on facebook full of people in the same boat as me: MFA applicants for the year 2012. Those 7 additional rejections are from schools that have sent out acceptances, and most have sent out rejections and wait-lists as well. Perhaps I won’t be, but the odds are not in my favor at this point.<br /><br />The other 8 schools, I completely unsure of; I have no information as of yet. I’m not going to hold my breath. Several people have informed that it only takes one acceptance: yes this is true; however, I would like to have options and choices. If I don’t get funding, I can’t go. I have no money, and no way to get money anymore. I’m broker than broke. So no money = not going (one of the reason I applied to schools where funding was easier to get).<br /><br />I know I my application wasn’t the strongest it could have been. I had issues gathering three letters of recommendation. It’s like trying to plan a get-to-together. It’s nigh impossible! My writing sample, wasn’t my best, but it was the most polished, and I asked for help in putting it together. My statements were much better this year, but probably sub-par. If I don’t get into any schools, or get enough funding, I’ll be applying <em>again.</em> Which will suck.<br /><br />Rejection fucking sucks. But it’s a part of my life, and will continue to be a part of my life. In both writing and dating. But that’s another blog.<br /><br />Anyway, I’ll be working on writing, teaching, and hoping for the best—in a realistic manner. I hope your day is better than mine!Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-3333262838576169792012-02-14T12:46:00.000-08:002012-02-14T13:02:25.346-08:00Valentine's Day-The Ugly Past9 years and one day ago, I was kicked out of my dad’s house for being gay at age 18.<br /><br />This sounds awful, but that was over—barely—nine years ago. Since then, the relationship between my dad and myself has repaired to pre-gay levels, maybe stronger.<br /><br />The point, however, is that Valentine’s Day—for me—has special painful significance due to that experience. Though it is no longer fresh, I am reminded every year of that moment where I thought I would be homeless. Thankfully, my grandma and grandpa took me in, though they were by no means more accepting.<br /><br />In those years, I’ve always been single on this day, in fact my entire life (excepting when I dated my best girl friend in high school) I’ve been single on this day. Up until last year, it was the worst day of the year, a nasty, institutionalized holiday of pain.<br /><br />Last year, I decided to be my own valentine, and the day after (because I don’t care all that much, and I’m poor) I bought myself a rose, a card, a bear, and some chocolate as a treat and reminder to love myself. This simple, small action made a powerful difference in my life, and this year it isn’t so painful to be alone.<br /><br />Perhaps in the future, I’ll be more receptive to a positive day. Today, I’m still not feeling the love, but at least the pain isn’t so great.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-81751885910393974362012-01-02T18:59:00.000-08:002012-01-02T19:13:01.970-08:00DatingI went on several dates this last week, and planned other that got moved, but one went exceptionally well, and I wasn’t annoyed at the guy at all—surprise, surprise! And of course, I think the postponement went well, when I gave my expectations and thoughts up front. I know, bad me right? Well, here we go...<br /><br />1) Always be respectful and courteous (this holds true in every type of relationship).<br /><br />2) Be truthful.<br /><br />3) Set and time and place if asking another.<br /><br />4) Know what you expect, and let the other person know as well—it could save hurt feelings.<br /><br />5) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If no is the answer, accept that.<br /><br />Well, I could go on, but I think, upon further reflection, that point 1 brings up everything. In my, albeit limited, experience, that one truth always seems to make the difference. If I’m being respectful, I’m being truth, I’m asking or setting times and place, finding expectations, etc. <br /><br />One last one:<br /><br />Do what works for you. If you feel you have to “train” dates, train by example. Show them how you want to be treated and everything will go as smoothly as possible.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-11664763365679846392011-10-18T22:15:00.000-07:002011-10-18T22:21:04.651-07:00Grandpa Came HomeGrandpa is now home. He came home this evening and from what I heard, there was initial drama. I’m glad I wasn’t here for that.<br /><br />But I’ve realized this evening that I will witness someone dying.<br /><br />There isn’t much more to say at this point. I will watch the deterioration and death of a close family member.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-33840852382874225492011-10-08T23:24:00.000-07:002011-10-08T23:33:46.410-07:00The NewsI’ve been meaning to blog for some time now, but I really haven’t had the energy to do any writing. I’m so busy in my everyday life that I haven’t had much thought or time to really write. To put it into perspective, I usually do laundry once a week. Last week I did laundry after waiting two and a half weeks.<br /><br />So what is the deal? Well, three weeks ago, I started working with my dad again doing (de)construction on a home, and started grading papers along with the part time office work I do. This on top of my normal writing/writerly events took up most all my time. Then Grandpa ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and he’s been going up and down, and is back in the hospital again. As of the writing, I’m not sure of the condition. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Grandma or my aunt. And it’s getting late, so I’m starting to worry a bit.<br /><br />That’s what my life has been the last week, is hospital, hospital, making sure Grandma is doing alright, and running from job to job. That is alright. I was told that something was coming down the pipe my way and this could very well be it.<br /><br />I’m doing alright, at the moment. Tomorrow I plan on taking a hike through the foothills near my house to enjoy nature and decompress. I may even write a poem or two. In all, I think I’ll be okay. At some point I’ll need a day or two to escape and let the stress roll away before it does me any harm.<br /><br />They say death is hard, dying is harder.<br /><br />P.S. In other news, please ‘like’ my author page on <a href="http://facebook.com/kandrewturner">facebook.com/kandrewturner</a>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-31304997172839243242011-06-19T10:30:00.001-07:002011-06-19T12:07:54.495-07:00Father's DayToday is Father’s Day here in the USA, and perhaps other parts of the world. Of course, you probably already know that.<br /><br />Anyway, I don’t think I’ve ever written for Father’s Day. When I started blogging it was 2003 and very early in that year my dad kicked me out of the house for being gay. It was not a happy time for me, and I don’t think it was for him either. So since then, I don’t think I’ve written anything for Father’s Day. But, obviously, this year is different.<br /><br />I’ll start with some background history. My parents divorced when I was around 2 yrs old, so I don’t really remember much of that time, which is probably a good thing. My dad got custody of my brother and I, and he raised us by himself for a few years before he remarried.<br /><br />Up until I was kicked out, I was pretty close to my dad. We’d always gotten along well enough. My step-mom and I were close too. Then the whole kicking out thing happened, and it was not a pleasant month from my coming out to the kicking out. I did not want to be home. Awkward conversation, pent up anger on both sides, general unhappiness.<br /><br />Now, after not living ‘at home’ for eight years, we’ve gotten along much better. And of course, my being older sure helps. I think I’m closer to my dad that I have ever been, and while we see eye to eye on most things, we don’t on everything. And what that is should be apparent. This last year we’ve been building a bridge, and I think that’s a good thing.<br /><br />Needless to say, for a few years, thinking about celebrating my dad wasn’t something I keenly looked forward too. Sure he helped bring me into the world, but what had happened still burned in my mind. I’ve forgiven him. I still love him. And perhaps one day we will see eye to eye.<br /><br />For all you father’s out there, happy Father’s Day.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-49513038138466367822011-06-07T17:33:00.000-07:002011-06-07T22:59:32.948-07:00Why We Should All Ride BicyclesI used to own a car. I used to drive everywhere from work, to the store, to the gym, for vacation, etc. I’ve been carless for almost four years now. That is a long time. People ask me how I can get along without a car. It is possible, and we humans have lived most of our history without automobiles.<br /><br />Everywhere I <em>need</em> to be, I don’t need a car for. I have a bicycle that gets me to where I need to go. The grocery store, the gym, and the places I work are bike-able distances aka less than 3 miles. If I want to make special trips I can either bike or take the bus.<br /><br />I must admit, however, that I tend toward the lazy. I want things done and I want them done ten minutes ago. Slowly, my patience in this regard has risen. But I’m not wrong in assuming that things should really be closer. The car has made it possible for our civilization stretch, but it also creates artificial distances in the places we live.<br /><br />This is the reason we should all ride bicycles: everything would be much closer together. You wouldn’t have to drive all over town to get done what you needed done. Businesses would be close to homes (to reduce commute time and leg strain) and a variety of businesses would have to arise to complete and compliment what is needed in a particular area.<br /><br />In turn, there would be a larger sense of community as people would be able to recognize those the bike past, wave, talk, etc. Roads would be vastly smaller, safer, and much less costly as they would only need to support bikes. If someone needed to travel long distance they could take a train/public transit to get to where they needed to go and these would have special roads.<br /><br />Suddenly that house on a hill would not look as attractive, and more people would move to flatter areas. In turn, the general health would improve, because, hey, we’re all getting a lot more exercise!<br /><br />Of course this is not viable right now, but I think, in the future, bikes will become a lot more popular. Doesn’t the world sound a little more enjoyable if you aren’t in bumper to bumper traffic and instead commute a shorter distance while getting exercise?Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-55607054873209655122011-05-18T17:14:00.000-07:002011-05-18T17:56:08.008-07:00Why I Hate/Love Hot Guys<rant><br /><br />I could perhaps be the only person on the planet to feel this way, but if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we’re not alone.<br /><br />I hate hot guys. I do. I know it may sound very strange, but I do. I hate them because of the way they look, and that I don’t look that way. I hate that get tons of attention, and I don’t. I hate them because I know I can’t have them (just let me rant for a moment, thanks). I hate how everything seems effortless to them.<br /><br />I also love hot guys. Contradiction? Well, we are all contradictions walking around. I love them because they are so beautiful. I love looking even though I know I can’t have them. I suppose this is where the term ‘achingly beautiful’ comes from. I want them, all of them.<br /><br />Every time I look through incredibly hot mens’ profiles, I silently curse myself for looking and ever hoping that I could possible ever talk to one. I try. I send the stupid message: “Hi, how are you doing?” that only people like me ever answer. Someone who’s not hot, who’s not in the upper echelon.<br /><br />Why on earth do I do this to myself? I have no idea. I find various men attractive, and base most of my ‘decisions’ on facial features, but when a man with a rocking hot bod and a beautiful face are combined, I die a little on the inside. It’s not fair. I know they worked hard to get the body they have, but there is no replacing good genetics for an attractive face.<br /><br />Perhaps worst of all is the gay hot men. At least with the straight guys, I know I have no chance, at all. With gay ones I could. I could have a tiny smidgeon of hope, as close to 0 as one can get, but still there is something. Somehow it never fails...<br /><br />Now, I know a few of you will comment saying that 1) I can get any one, so don’t give up hope, 2) Who are you kidding, you are one of those people, 3) Lower your standards, and 4) Don’t worry about what you don’t have, let go. And you are all probably right, but I have to say something about it because it’s been bothering me for a long time, and yes, I’ve become upset enough over it. One of the reasons I work out a lot is because I want a better body so people like this will like me too, and of course so I will like me too.<br /><br />Ugh.<br /><br /></rant>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-38869154768431301182011-04-18T16:14:00.000-07:002011-04-18T16:29:41.106-07:00Living DreamsI received a letter last Friday informing me that my final school, U of Florida, had decided that I was not a match for them this year.<br /><br />I suppose I should be upset, and I am to an extent, but this latest turn of events only seems to follow the general pattern of the year a psychic told me would be a disappointing year. She was very right, and continues to be right. I have a lot of nasty stuff coming down the drain, and it is for the best.<br /><br />I’m looking at this as an opportunity to live at home and still try to live my dreams as a writer. In year that I lived here back at home I’ve barely done the writing that I should have. I’ve realized in the past few weeks, that I’ve been neglecting my craft as I shouldn’t be. I don’t work a day job and so I have all the time to write. I don’t.<br /><br />This last weekend I went to a writer’s retreat where I got more writing and editing done in three days than I did all this year and some so far. I was very productive and it felt good to be moving along in my writing. I don’t need to go to school to live the writing dream, but if I want to live it, I have to start now.<br /><br />I’ve submitted a story for publication last week, and I have yet to hear back, but I’m thinking this one will be accepted. I’ve got another couple stories that I’ll be submitting this week. It’s time to move and let my babies roam the world.<br /><br />I haven’t given up on graduate school, but I think to get there I need to go live the writing lifestyle right now. I can’t become a better writer by not writing.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-77022722911533056782011-03-13T22:51:00.000-07:002011-03-13T23:10:49.216-07:00Writing About Writing, and other notesIf you missed #storycraft on twitter today, you missed me and the several bombardments against my ideas. Not to worry. If you follow my other blog <a href="http://snowppl.wordpress.com">snowppl.wordpress.com</a>, you will find the essay response to what happened. I spent about 3 hours crafting this reply, and while it may not be perfect, I think it sums up, generally, my ideas on the matter.<br /><br />In other news, I’ve heard back from 9 of the schools I applied to, and each denied my application. I am still waiting to hear from Florida, but I’m guessing the reply will be similar. I’m not as heart-broken as I thought I would be. It just means I need to put together a stronger application next year, and that means hard work. I’m ready to jump in head first and work on my writing. My GRE scores should not have prevented entry, though who knows? I’ve been meaning to contact two of the schools about my application, as they have stated they allow, and see what part of my application I need to improve.<br /><br />Last, I will be starting my Craft of Fiction class this Thursday, and that offers me a wonderful opportunity to work with ‘young’ writers on their writing. So far all of my students have been excellent, and they love what I have to offer them. Nothing is better than helping others learn what one is passionate about.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-4670862040273913622011-01-23T13:49:00.000-08:002011-01-23T14:35:59.868-08:00The Golden RuleMany religions talk about the golden rule or golden maxim: the principle to live by. The one statement that sums everything up. This quote is probably not as famous as the King James version, but it is easier to understand. I’ll start from here.<br /><br />“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Matthew 7:12 NIV<br /><br />Most of you have encountered the crazy religious person, and often they spew violent vitriol about eternal damnation or some such thing. I totally do not agree with the idea of damnation. I’m not a Christian in the sense most people use. And some people who call themselves Christian are not. I’m not really of any particular religion or thought pattern. That is because there is no one correct religion out there. <br /><br />But we have this ‘rule’ to live by (in many forms, but I’ll stick with this one).<br /><br />What does it mean, exactly? Do what to whom, and they’ll do what? No, it doesn’t mean that if you are nice to Steven, that Jill will be nice to you. It doesn’t work like that. It also doesn’t mean that if you punch John, that Adam will kick your butt. What it means is very simple. Live and interact with people as you would to yourself. Why, you might ask? Because everyone and everything <em>is</em> us. If you punch John, you are really punching yourself. If you are nice to Steven, you are being nice to yourself. There really isn’t much but belief that separates us from one another.<br /><br />In sum the Golden Rule just means treat others as you would yourself, <em>because</em> everyone is you. <br /><br />It may sound odd or strange, but we are all connected. I will share this story The Egg because it’s almost what I’m talking about. <a href="http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html">http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html</a> (I’ll wait for you to finish).<br /><br />While I don’t quite agree with everything he said, it sums up the connection we all have. I like to think of everyone as one entity, the Universe that encompasses everything. Inherently, then, we are not separate, but rather we are all of the same thing. This is everything: humans, plants, animals, the planets and stars. Everything is of the same thing. So when we as humans destroy the earth, really what we are doing is destroying ourselves.<br /><br />So what does it have to do with living here and now? Everything of course! Do you smile and say hello? Are you rude, or swear while driving? Do you accumulate worthless material objects only to throw them away? Do you care for others? One person has a tremendous impact on the world around them. How you live affects those thousands of miles away, though indirectly in most cases. If you smile at people, they will smile at someone else, starting a chain. If you glare, or curse, that goes around too. What really happens is a change in yourself. When you smile at someone, you smile at yourself, affirming your right to care for yourself. In doing so then, you can care for others better, and in doing that, others begin to change. Love is the answer here, for if you love yourself, you love others, and if you love others you love yourself.<br /><br />So, what kind of world do you want to live in? <br /><br />As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves. -GandhiAndrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-19340650374032607232010-11-01T22:40:00.000-07:002010-11-01T22:54:02.246-07:00National Novel Writing MonthI usually dedicate all my writing towards <a href="http://snowppl.wordpress.com">Writerly Words</a>, but I think that NaNoWriMo is also a very personal journey. Of course, all writing is a personal journey, but I feel that sometimes writers don’t want to hear or talk about this. It can make us uncomfortable.<br /><br />This year instead of writing an actual novel, I’m writing a collection of short stories, or more precisely, short stories that may or may not be related to one another. I just need a good reason and a deadline to pump out these stories. The first one I’ve titled ‘The Brilliance’ which is a story shaping up to be about the process of discovering the passion for writing. I might share these stories, and I might now, but I feel that I should at least talk about them.<br /><br />In other news of my life, I’m a lot closer to graduate school than I was when I first wanted to apply two years ago. I’ve actually got everything in order to apply. Once I receive my GRE scores, I will be very close to finishing the application, just a few minor things here and there to clear up. I’ve got my letters written (but not edited) and my LoR lined up. I think I can do this, and I think I’ll get in to three schools.<br /><br />Everything at home is going well, I still need a few sign ups for my <a href="http://snowppl.com">Craft of Fiction</a> class to hold it, but I’m doing well. I’ll be turning 26 later this month, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’ve got a lot on my plate, but I will pull through, and do well. I know this.<br /><br />I hope you all have a wonderful week.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-38658274773280973012010-10-13T14:54:00.001-07:002010-10-13T14:54:33.470-07:00Age Does Make A DifferenceI have to confess to seeing “Surprise Party,” by Craigery Morgan (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaCPlKlFqXg">view here</a>). And this is sort of where my mind has gone over the last couple of days.<br /><br />I’ll be the first to admit, this guy is hot. And most of you will agree with me, I think. In a very ‘Drew’ way, I immediately followed him on twitter (and if you are on twitter, I know you are too). Without thought, I posted: “I would like to introduce my new husband to you and himself.” This is very typical of me. If you know me at all you’ll know I have a lot of ‘husbands.’<br /><br />Craigery is 5-6 years younger than me. So I got to thinking, ‘how has my own life changed in that time?’ I’ve graduated from both Citrus College and The University of New Mexico both in that time frame. I’ve grown tremendously as a person in those years. I’m no longer as shy, no longer as pessimistic, a lot more friendly. Of course I’m currently working on my body (and it’s so unfair that he’s so young with such a great body) and lost weight, managing my diet and eating healthy. Upon looking back upon those years, I realize I’m such a different person, but then again I’m the same. As much as I have change, I haven’t. I’m still a prude, probably more so than I used to be (if that is believable).<br /><br />I realized that I don’t think I’d marry this young man, though I definitely would ‘sleep’ with him. When I meditated on my chakras I discovered that the only chakra truly thrown off balance by his sudden appearance was my sacral chakra—emotions and sexual desires. I’m not totally throwing the idea out there that I’d never marry him, but I would have to date him for a while first. Or just sleep with him and count myself lucky.<br /><br />This is probably not exactly the post you were looking for, but I need to express my views to myself, for the most part and admit that I have sexual feelings and desires as much as I try to repress them. This is one of my new goals: admit and embrace myself as a sexual creature.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-76067553808919660922010-08-21T10:23:00.000-07:002010-08-21T14:10:53.356-07:00Target Ain't People<p>Just saw the video this morning. After watching it, I think it cements my feelings towards large corporations. As hard as they are to avoid. Take a look, and let me know what you think.</p><br />
<iframe class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="480" height="289" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9FhMMmqzbD8?hl=en_US" frameborder="0"></iframe><br />
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<p>My initial thoughts were: they are not going to accomplish anything. Then it was: but they are so right. Corporations should have no say in our electoral processes. We should be ruled by the people (even though we are not a true Democracy, we still elect officials who should have the interests of the people) not by money-hungry institutions.</p><p>When we are ruled by such corporations, we lose. Who gets the tax breaks? Who gets the subsidies? Who gets control of the government? Think about these things the next time you shop somewhere. The “little” people get hurt the most. But why are they “little?” Because their employer refuse to pay decent wages.</p><p>Support your local small businesses instead.</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-88415543306190303712010-08-10T19:04:00.000-07:002010-08-10T19:39:25.511-07:00Eight Month Mark-More or LessI’ve been in California for about 8 and a half months. Since then, I’ve done quite a bit. This is me trying to remember everything I’ve done.<br />
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Stopped worry about money as much as I had in the past.<br />
Reconnected with family in important ways.<br />
Reconnected with friends and made new friends.<br />
Started working on myself: physically, mentally, and emotionally.<br />
Been on a few dates.<br />
Met amazing people!<br />
Traditionally unemployed for the whole time.<br />
Understood freelance, and the difficulties.<br />
Submitted a story for publication.<br />
Learned that ebay can be your friend.<br />
Lost 15 pounds.<br />
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Everyday is a journey, and every day holds adventure, even if you don’t leave the house. I’ve tried finding ‘gainful employment’ but have been unable to do so. I see though, that perhaps gainful employment really means shackles to those who pay you and the hours they want you to work. I know that sounds highfalutin and maybe so, but I see friends and family working for money and money only. Money doesn’t buy happiness. It can give you access to things that may make us happy, but only temporary. This quote sums up my feelings:<br />
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"To be constantly in want is the very definition of poverty, no matter how large one's house or bank account. By that measure, ours is perhaps the poorest society the world has ever known." - Charles Eisenstein<br />
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But life hasn’t be grim. As I suspected the Universe generally cares, and provides for us. I have been very lucky to have family that supports me in my day to day existence. Very lucky, and blessed. I don’t know many people who can say that. I feel like a leech sometimes, but I know that it’s just because I’m starting out, really, for the first time. In New Mexico I had student loans that paid for everything for me. Now I just have my income to pay my bills.<br />
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I’ve been working on my body too. In trying to develop other aspects of my person, I’ve noticed that our body defines who we are to a large extent. Our body is how we experience the world and I want my body to be in top shape. Why would I want anything less? The closer we are to our bodies and selves, the less we can lie to ourself.<br />
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And I’ve taken the ultimate risk for a writer. I’ve submitted work for more than one publication, unsolicited. In other terms, it’s like trying to sell tupperware to someone who already owns all the styles. So I’ve submitted to one online publisher and two Literary Journals, so I’m excited and at the same time a little frightened. I want to be successful! I had one rejection letter this year, and I’m determined to get get as many as it takes for a yes letter!<br />
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I’m trying so hard to make life work, and I think that when we sit back and relax, we realize that life is what we make of it. It is neither hard nor easy, it’s not out to get us, and it doesn’t hand us everything on a silver platter. If we just <em>are</em> life becomes a wonderful thing, beautiful and simple. We’re all playing a game that’s gotten out of hand. I think simple is a good place to start.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-10687346775301146502010-07-28T16:18:00.000-07:002010-07-28T22:33:07.171-07:00What We Learn About Ourselves<p>Over the last few days I was talking with “Lance” and I must admit he intrigued me. I know almost nothing about him and sometimes knowing nothing can be exciting. Anyways, we originally talked about spiritual things, and I was very happy to talk about that. Not many people are willing to talk about such a deep subject; that’s exactly why he started talking to me.</p><p>We exchanged a few emails then finally got around to chatting online. The first time was fairly innocent, with a little hint of what might happen later. We talked for a good hour or so just talking about anything, learning about each other.</p><p> </p><p>I should preface the rest of this: I did not know his name, what he looked like or anything other than that he is 6’5” (which is not much) and what he did tell me I don’t know if it was true or not. Basically he could have been what he said he was, or a creepy old man in a basement somewhere.</p><p>The second time we chat I knew it would be different than the first. Instantly things heated up. I’m not talking slowly, either. Very fast. Pretty soon we’re talking on the phone (he’s very private/secretive so not via phone numbers). His voice gave me extreme doubt as to who he said he was. Of course, voices don’t necessarily tell about their owners. Anyways, he whispered the whole time. Then he left for a moment, and I gave up on waiting. I didn’t want to sit there waiting for long. For him it would have been very early in the morning, so I don’t know why he would have not be able to talk continuously. To say nothing, I hung up, and lied, telling him my phone died. It was close, but it did not. I just did not want to wait anymore. </p><p>I then sent him an email that more than likely broke his heart, scarred him for life, and probably made him want to go straight. He deleted his profile, effectively burning my bridge making it impossible to talk to him again. Based on the reaction I got, it made me believe he really was who he said he was, and you never meet ‘mystery’ people who are who they say they are. Never, usually some creepy old man in a basement getting his kicks. It happens too often.</p><p>I should also mention (in the unlikely event that he reads this) that I have a stalker who would seem to stop at nothing to get a hold of me. I also have friends that would create fake people to mess with other people, including their own friends. And of course, that I have an amazing tendency to hurt myself over men than anyone I know; that is the number one reason I suppose that I don’t allow myself to feel anything. It always turns sour. It may come as a surprise to anyone reading that this is actually fairly lucky for me. Yeah. Oh and I still have a V-card.</p><p>I suppose this is a lesson the Universe wanted me to learn. The exact lesson I’m not sure, maybe to be more open, maybe to be more upfront. I have had about 10 chances in my life to grow in this manner. If you’re a new follower you may not understand, if you’re an older follower, you do. I don’t date a lot, mostly because nothing ever happens, and I’m extremely shy. I’ve been on about 4-5 dates my whole life. So perhaps this was a lesson to help me when I encounter the next man (next year, sometime). </p><p>In any case, I’ve grown and learned from this experience. Never regret anything, because every choice is precisely the right choice for you path. I regret nothing that I did. I handled the situation as best I could at that very moment, and it was the ‘right’ choice for me at the time. Perhaps I ruined something great, perhaps not. My choices have been chosen, the dice cast, the cards played. The next step now is to move on.</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-70869802546817999452010-07-08T21:20:00.000-07:002010-07-08T22:29:06.642-07:00GoalsA couple weeks ago, I decided to step up and create some goals for myself. This is supposed to just be general goals, like New Years Resolutions, but not such a big deal. I wanted to have more direction in my life and get something accomplished: to feel like I’ve done something.<br />
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Goal: Write everyday, at least 500 words (in a story).<br />
Progress: Not so good. I have to goal, and it perhaps gets me writing when I otherwise wouldn’t.<br />
New Goal: Write 3 days a week, 1500 words (in a story or stories).<br />
Outlook: Good, brings down the goal to a more reasonable level that I can reach much easier.<br />
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Goal: Go to the gym at least 4 times a week.<br />
Progress: Much harder than I thought. Before making this goal that about the amount I went. Doing alright though.<br />
New Goal: Go to the gym at least twice a week.<br />
Outlook: I’ve been going twice a week. This shouldn’t be hard. Since cutting my calories, it’s been a lot harder to go than I anticipated.<br />
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Goal: Diet for 15 weeks to lose a total of 30 pounds.<br />
Progress: Excellent. This is the goal I’m working very hard on, and one that I’m holding dearly onto.<br />
New Goal: No new goal.<br />
Outlook: Excellent. I’m on track, and perhaps a touch ahead.<br />
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Goal: Perform yoga everyday at least 30 mins.<br />
Progress: Week one was the best week and I did that three times.<br />
New goal: Perform yoga once a week for about 30 mins.<br />
Outlook: May get some getting used to. Should pick a day and stick to it.<br />
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Short Term Goals<div><br />
These are the goals I’ve set deadlines for, like a To Do list, but a bit different. It gives me time to get them done, and maybe more.<br />
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Goal: Finish 3 short stories for my MFA application by July 15.<br />
Progress: The stories have been finished, but they need editing. I know what I need to do for each story.<br />
Outlook: Decent. Plans to work on one this evening.<br />
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Goal: Study for the GRE (July 22)<br />
Progress: I studied for this test last year a lot, so I don’t feel like I need to do tons of studying, just polish up.<br />
Outlook: I have a least a week to dedicate. If I miss this goal, I still have time.<br />
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Goal: Finish up my Creative Writing Series (prep work)<br />
Progress: I have four classes down, and finished. I need to decide what else to cover and then finish those.<br />
Outlook: Should be easy enough to do. Each workshop takes about 2-3 hours to prepare (or so).<br />
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I’m sharing my goals so that I have people who can hold me accountable. I’ve had low energy due to the diet that I’m on (as I’m trying to lose a significant amount of weight) and that has been a strain on the amount my brain can handle. It’s not an excuse as much as it is a concession to the limits of my body. As I’ve said before, the body/mind/spirit is all one, not separate pieces. I can no more separate my mind from my body, nor my spirit from either. As my body has less energy to run on, my mind therefore has less energy to run on.</div><div><br />
I admit, I’m dieting for vanity as much as health. Who doesn’t want to look good? I know that I’d rather have a flat stomach than a pudgy one. And while I’m dieting for vanity in equal proportions as for health, my health is important to me as well. I believe that inner health deeply affects outward appearance. If we are healthy we look better than if we are unhealthy. So the two are tied together. As I strive towards a healthy life, necessarily my weight must come to a more acceptable level. Many of my friends tell my I’m fine in my weight. I disagree. I’m carrying around about 20-25 extra pounds and that changes the way my body deals with stress and health. I’m at 20-21% body fat. That’s considered overweight (and therefore I fit the American standard), and I’d ideally like to be around 10% which is a lot healthier. I don’t want to be 5% thats still in a healthy range, but not where I’d like to be. /ramble<br />
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Goals are goal, and often need to be re-evaluated over their course so that instead of becoming overwhelmed with inability, I can change them so that I can achieve at least part of the original goal. And after time, I can change them to be more strenuous instead of more lenient. Always, the most important goal to me will decide what other goals have to go. Maybe me having goals will help you have goals, or help you. Who knows. Anyways, have a wonderful and safe weekend!</div>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-54704111022702825712010-06-24T10:42:00.000-07:002010-06-24T13:13:13.199-07:00The Dreams We DreamI’ve decided that I should share some of my dreams with you, my readers. Why? Dreams offer a powerful insight into who we are, and of course, I do dream interpretation. One of my dear friends, Amanda caught me on to the dream scene, and ever since then, I’ve been hooked. I’ve done a few interpretations for friends, but I’m still learning. Maybe this will make sense to you, maybe it will not.<br />
<blockquote>I dreamed that I was talking to two beautiful men, who were cousins. One of them was interested in me off the bat, the older one, though not as pretty. He left for a moment and a girl was going to massage me, but the younger one wanted to, so I let him. The older one came back and became upset that he was massaging me as he knew he wanted to have a conversation with me. I decided that I liked them both and so I set up a small contest to decide, or give me more time (Choose Your Russian). We cleaned their house and it resembled my aunt’s slightly. While the younger one was doing dishes I held on to him from behind. I did this because I accompanied the older one before on a previous task. I cleaned a copper breadbox and had to scrub the copper off my hands after fixing the copper on the box. Both men were upset that I had cleaned, as they both wanted to take care of me. Then housemates came back and I informed them all that they had better keep it clean, and went to the back of the house with three girls who already had kept it clean and they were a little bit upset that I had told them to keep it clean.</blockquote>My Interpretation:<br />
The men stand for my desire, I am conflicted about my own impulses and deep desires. The ‘fighting’ over me is my own unconscious attempt to decided what I am in favor of: a more hands on approach or a more intellectual approach. My leanings obviously were to the younger, more beautiful man, the more physical of the two. The inability to choose, shows my inherent desire for both. The dishes symbolize my desire to move on from the adolescent stage, but currently I feel stuck (as it is not me that is doing them). The copper bread box signifies my desire to be connected in a safe, sustaining relationship that is warm and personal. That they wanted to take care of me shows my own desire to take care of myself. The girls represent my feminine side feeling conflicted and wounded by the intrusion of the masculine.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-12295909033869109472010-06-21T20:41:00.000-07:002010-06-21T21:04:37.288-07:00I'm Human<p>I’m human, I’m not ‘perfect.’</p><p>If any of you read my last post, you’ll remember that I wanted to discuss why I almost cried on Pride night. I should clarify. I did cry. Just a sniffle here, and an overwhelming sense of sorrow there, but the emotion welled up and I had to release some of that night. Since then, I’ve done my meditation and I’ve acknowledged the emotion and let it go. Still needs some work.</p><p>Anyway, I was with my friends for most of the night, and after drinking lots of alcohol (though not enough to push me over to drunk) I found myself coming down off the high, so to speak. There were three parties, the first pool party, then a water slide party, and an after hours dance. It was during the dance where I felt most alone.</p><p>The first was a warm up, the second a blast, and the third a let down. I tend to be very shy when I don’t know somebody. Unlike other people, I <em>do</em> know strangers. I had stopped drinking around 1:30/2:00am because that’s when I no longer felt like drinking. In the transfer from water slide park party, I changed and dried myself off, and went to the dance dressed a little nicer.</p><p>I remember clearly walking in circles. I would go to the dance floor, watch for a moment, return to a friend’s room to see if any of my friends were there, then go back to the dance floor, drink water, and repeat. At one point, I just sat in a chair near the dancing people to see if anyone would ask me to dance, and no one did. Collectively, I sat for over 35 minutes, and I sat long enough each time to be noticed.</p><p>I remember seeing at least two guys I would have danced with, but I felt like I couldn’t. I was too shy, didn’t have enough to drink, whatever the reason, I could not ask either of them to dance. One was by himself, the other with a girl. Early in the night, I would have told either of them to their face that they were attractive. Not so after the buzz ended. Then I noticed a guy following me for a few moments. I immediately moved faster and out of his sight. I didn’t want to talk to him. I don’t know why, all I remember is that he was thinner with blonde hair, and I wasn’t attracted from what I saw.</p><p>So what does this all mean? Over the last week, I haven’t thought anything of it until now. What makes me this way? I know that normally, I would not talk to them either. I’ve only hit on one guy sober, and that didn’t turn out well at all. I’ve been thinking and I’ve had more than one person tell me that I seem unapproachable or intimidating. I don’t think I am at all.</p><p>I rarely get hit on, and if I do, I generally don’t realize it. Oftentimes, when I do realize it, I am utterly repulsed. I don’t like it when people hit on me, unless I want them too. Perhaps that is why I don’t hit on other people, assuming it is the same with them. So here I am, looking lost, expecting someone <em>I</em> like to come up to me and hit on me. That never happens, and somehow I’ll have to change my mindset. Maybe I’ll have to be less intimidating. Or, how I see, more attractive. Going for more attractive seems easier. That way even if I am intimidating, the attraction factor will push them to talk to me anyway.</p><p>Or maybe my brain is fried and I make no sense. I am human, after all.</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-79627859438133340362010-06-15T17:03:00.000-07:002010-06-15T17:28:57.062-07:00Vacations Can Offer Much More<p>As many of you are aware, I went on vacation this past week. One of the reasons why I decided not to tweet a lot. On a ‘normal’ vacation I think I’d tweet or be online more or even get some things done. The fact of this vacation was that I worked. I helped put together a pride parade float,etc with an organization that I used to volunteer for when I lived out there in NM. I wanted to do this, I missed the sense of community and place that I’ve been craving out here. There just is no gay community where I live. I wanted that sense again.</p><p>As with any community there is ‘drama’ and this place is no exception. I found during my time that I did not miss the drama, the constant slight jabs. It was during the parade itself we were a true group, operating at full capacity and drama-free. My last night, as I lay in bed, I knew that I’d miss it, but at the same time it was something I would no longer want. I satisfied my community desire, and I know I can have it here if I want. I’m glad for my time, and I certainly learned a lot.</p><p>Now, as for other parts of my vacation, I should clarify a status update from Saturday. I almost lost it. Watching everyone having fun, and feeling like I did not belong anymore left me to the point of tears. I won’t go into all the details during this post. That will be addressed more fully on my next. I had a lot to drink, though I was not drunk that evening, alcohol tends to bring me down when I come down.</p><p>The time I spent outside volunteer work, I spent mostly with people I know. There are always people you know that you kinda don’t want to. I learned on this past visit who I want to know and who I don’t. I won’t go into any details, but sometimes ‘friends’ should really just be acquaintances. I don’t know how other people feel, but for a lot of my group activities I felt out of place, and excluded from conversations. The group would ‘circle’ up as we natural do while talking, and I found myself outside the circle more often than not. I think it was a conscious part of some peoples part and not on others.</p><p>I learned a lot about myself on this short trip, and I learned lessons that I left behind, unlearned. Now that I’m home, I have a lot of thinking to do and organization of thoughts. I’m going to post some of these down in the next week or so and hopefully through setting them down, I’ll be better able to grow from these experiences.</p><p>While I’m thinking about it, I’m almost 100% positive the universe directed me to take this vacation to help me learn from my past and to finish up lessons I’d left behind or was unable to learn anywhere else. And I think I’ve begun to learn and understand some of the lessons. Maybe after another 10 times I’ll get it!</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-83735065412088582102010-06-03T21:01:00.000-07:002010-06-03T21:27:52.470-07:00Just a Rambling<p>This is just going to be a rambling, shambling mess. I’m not going to make any pretenses about this blog. Hooray!</p><p>I’ve been feeling a bit down today, and if you know me in person now, you know I’m a pretty happy person. If you knew me in the past, you know I’m never happy. I’d like to think I’m a lot better off emotionally than I was a few years ago. Of course I still have my issues, and I know it.</p><p>Number one major issue is body image. Most of the time, I’m okay. I know I’m not a perfect physical specimen nor do I have the ‘best’ haircut or whatever. Then somedays I feel like a giant whale pretending to be human. I know I can never feel 100% happy right now. I’m working out, I’m working on being where I feel more comfortable. I’m just not there yet. </p><p>I’ve been dealing with body issues for several years, and I go up and down. I’m up when I feel like I’m checked out, down the next day. On top of body insecurities, I’m also dealing with intellectual insecurities. I’m very insecure in my self. I suppose it’s the intense rejection I’ve encountered from family about my sexual identity.</p><p>I’ve been on a journey the last few months to really build myself up, and accept myself for who I am. Who I’d like to be keeps creeping in and telling me I’m worthless now, and I should try harder. For Valentine’s Day I gave myself chocolates and flowers, a card and a stuffed animal. I’ve never felt self love like that. I didn’t spend a lot of money, but I wanted to show love for me. And it worked for a week.</p><p>I suppose that diet has a huge effect on my mood. If I eat enough, I’m happy, if I don’t I’m not. But I’m trying to lose weight so that I don’t have to later in life. I’ve been dieting for about three weeks (as in lower calories) and it’s hard. I know it’s hard and I wasn’t happy to do it again, but to be healthier I need to lose the weight.</p><p>I’ve decided for now, just to focus on cutting calories, and eating relatively healthy, when I’m where I’d like to be, I’m going to eventually cut sugar, gluten, and most dairy from my diet for health reasons.</p><p>Okay, I feel better now. Writing lets me do that. Focus on the emotions I’m feeling, work through them, and then let them go when I know why they are there. I’ve had a few outside events that put my down a bit, but I’m trying not to let events influence my emotions of state of mind. Everything is a lesson learned and some lessons will get crammed down our throats. I just hope the lessons I have to learn I can realize it earlier on. Take care, peace to you, and have a wonderful, wonderful weekend!</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-29416068820711486772010-06-01T19:27:00.001-07:002010-06-01T19:27:53.141-07:00My Writing Resolution and an MFA Update<p>I’ve been doing a lot lately in the writing department. I’ve been researching schools to go for my MFA in Creative Writing with a goal of attending in Fall 2011. I’m hoping against hopes that I’ll at least get into one school, and I’ll be applying to at least 12. It’s harder to get into an MFA program than Harvard Med School, and the competition is fierce. But I have my hopes that I can make it, <em>and</em> get into a great school with great financial aid.</p><p>All of you writers you know it is not a easy task to write. Like anything else it takes practice a determination. I’ve been writing since I was in the 8th grade (creatively at least), and in the writing community that’s a long time. I may have to post some snippets of my first creative work so you can all laugh and feel better! LIke any task, I find so much else to do to avoid writing. I’ll clean, cook, read a history book, etc if I really want to avoid it. But once I sit down and do it, and it’s not so bad. I like to think of writing in terms of the way I go to the gym. I may not want to go, but I’ll feel better if I do.</p><p>Writing lets a lot of emotions out, and it lets me explore myself, explore the world around me, and explore all the wonderful stories flowing into me, pooling and ready to pour out. I don’t always have an easy time of writing, but after taking two years at the University of New Mexico with intensive writing classes, I’ve found out that you get better and better. And I’ve got the discipline to sit down and <em>write,</em> just like I discovered I can go to the gym and enjoy it and feel better about myself and my body.</p><p>I’ve recently decided that my daily writing goal is about 1,000 words. And like the gym I can skip a day here and there, but for the most part, I’d like to write that many words. It’s actually a small amount, but the more I write, the more material I have. I read a great article in <em>Poets & Writers</em> recently by Benjamin Percy, a man who teaches and writes. He said (in so many words) the more words you have the less bad you feel about getting rid of them, as you’ll always have more. I think I’m adopting this stance. Since my goal usually takes between an hour and two hours, I feel that is really no time at all, considering I spend up to two hours at the gym.</p><p>Writing is also about reading. I’ve read 95/200 books that I own. Out of the 105 left, 34 I’ve cracked open and read some part, and 62 I’ve just looked at. That’s quite a few books! Reading as a writer is a lesson I learned, and promptly forgot. I think my first fiction teacher had it right. You read once for pleasure and then once with a critical eye, trying to learn as much from the writer as you can. I find it hard enough to read through the first time! But I’ve got a lot of material that I need to read through, and I’m hoping that as I read more and more, my writing will get better and better.</p><p>I’ve got a few good friends that say I write well. In fact they say I write wonderfully. I know they are being kind, and it is terrific to have friends that enjoy my writing. Of course, I don’t think I write well and with my postivie friends I’ve found it difficult to really get good feedback. Even in my undergrad classes, I only had about five students give my good critical feedback. My instructors often gave me the best. “Do you need that word there? This doesn’t work at all, try this.” etc. I think the best compliment I’ve received on my writing is from my one-on-one mentorship with a graduate student of UNM’s MFA program who told me I was ready for MFA work. Sometimes its so hard to the see the beauty in our own work other than the flaws, and yet I strive to be better. My friends remind my of that beauty, even as I work to make a statue of David.</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-33210046699422830542010-05-27T23:03:00.000-07:002010-05-27T23:05:57.832-07:00The Creature<p>Note: This is adapted from my original post <a href="http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=9649186&blogId=114660969">here</a>.</p><p>April 26, 2006</p><p>I think today I'm going to talk about annoying people.</p><p>Yes. You know them. They are the plague to your existence. I have several of these people in my life. Fortunately, for me and for them, I have a very high tolerance for annoyance. But there are time where I will lash out in all directions.</p><p>At work, I tend to mind my own business about work related things. I get done what I need to get done. I work at a grocery store called Stater Brothers Markets, commonly referred to as Stater Bros. by the general public and as Slaver Bros. by the employees. </p><p>There happens to be a woman at my work who is in her mid to late 30's maybe even early forties. She is the Creature. A spawn of Satan, at least at work. Her appearance is deceiving, she looks very matronly/grandmotherly, but she is no ordinary mother. She is the evil part of every mother, the one who nags constantly and charges around ordering you about. In this she is like a mother, in all else, well there is no name for her but the Creature.</p><p>The Creature stands around 5’5”, rather large around the middle, and it slumps forward sticking its paunch out, and its arms hang limply at its sides. The hair of the Creature hangs bushily around its chunky face, the dirt-blonde hair streaked with aged-gray. Its voice sounds harsh and breathy, lingering in the air like nighttime noise. It wears a green vest that stretches across its distended abdomen. Under this vest it wears a clean white shirt, contrasting the Creature's true identity. Around its legs it wears black pants that hang loosely near the ankle and strains over its middle. And the eyes shine brightly inside sacs of fat and stare, deceivingly into the world. A foe to constantly deal with. It only conceives of its own worth, and how to push those around it to the ground. There are few who like the Creature. Those few have been deceived with its matron façade, and these few refuse to believe what the Creature really is. The High Bitch of the Front End.</p><p>She can be overwhelming in her desire to gain customer satisfaction, yet many customers do not like her overly friendly way. The can see to the heart of the matter, that the Creature lies within willing flesh. She dissembles her true form from all. She is vindictive and vile. I try to stand against her, but in my position there is little that I can do but hide behind the strength of others.</p><p>That said, I'll be helping customers or putting things away or what-not, and the minute I'm out of the Creatures sight, it freaks out, desperately seeking to have me run to the front of the store, presumably to work. The minute I reach the front she covers her loathsome personality with a false cheerfulness and pleasantness. And I discover that there is nothing to do. All is empty.</p><p>Just the other day I refused to bend to her will and she gave me the message: "The game is over." Good thing I'm not in a video game! Otherwise I'd have to load from a save, and do it all over again, maybe gain some levels.</p><p>To many of you that know me, or may not know me, it takes a lot to get me outward angry. The creature can invoke such feelings in less than 10 minutes on the clock. Can't I use the restroom in peace? Can't I help a customer without being harassed? Can't I even finish something without being called on? The answer to all these questions is a resounding no.</p><p>The Creature smiles in satisfaction, watching with is beady eyes waiting for the right moment to cause utter feelings of hatred. One of the many Spawns found across American workplaces large and small. And perhaps one day the Creatures of America will vanish, along with all the other Spawn. Who am I kidding? There will just be more ready to take there place in such a situation.</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3397765483997116772.post-11200421645619871142010-05-19T13:49:00.001-07:002010-05-19T13:49:23.498-07:00The Sandwich<p>Note: This is adapted from my original post <a href="http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=9649186&blogId=115190819">here</a>.</p><p>April 28, 2006</p><p>I was hungry at work. That’s basically how it goes everyday: it’s almost lunch time and the stomach tells the brain that its time to eat, again. Damn that stomach, always telling us to eat when we can’t! I want to have a sandwich so I grab the nearest piece of paper (which happens to be an index card) and steal a nearby pen and rush off to the Service Deli at my store.</p><p>I stare hard at the lumps of pre-formed meats and cheeses, ignoring the various limp and brown salads that can't hold my attention any day of the week. The harsh florescent light makes me salivate as I try to decide what I want on my precious lunch. I spot a new cheese (on sale!) a nice, light swiss. I spot brown sugar ham, sweet and substantial. I filter through my brain, a list of veggies that would work. Tomato, of course, and avocado (it’s a Californian thing). Next I pick lettuce, adding it to my list. Then comes the cucumber, and red onions. And of course some cream cheese. No mayo or mustard, disgusting. All my condiments chosen I spot a yummy wheat bread and I bring it and my list to the Deli manager and charge her with forging my sandwich, before 10. She confirms it will be ready at the appointed time, with a smile.</p><p>Rarely does anything happen at my work on time, or any work for that matter. I am no exception to this ‘rule’. I was ready to run to my car and consume my sandwich, but as work was to be done I didn't get to leave until 10:30, after my appointed date with delicious food.</p><p>I arrive home and open my bag. I stare at the sandwich. It stares back. This thing is <em>huge</em>! It <em>has</em> to be the worlds largest meant-to-be-eaten sandwich. I dub my opponent the Sandwich to Rule Them All. It's at least 8 inches long (stop the jokes already) and over 2 1/2 inches thick (ok I guess I had them coming). This sandwich could feed a family of four! But I decide to tackle it nonetheless.</p><p>I sat down and studied my prey. It was intimidating. I quickly assessed what I had going for lubrication to get it down. Avocado was abundant, tomato helped. Too bad I hadn't gotten mayo, but the fat *sigh*. I poured my self a glass of creamy chocolate milk. I pulled out a bag of crunchy cheese curls and reassessed my situation. I knew I could handle this.</p><p>I took the first bite. It was delicious. The first half was easy to eat. It squashed well, and I had no problem. The second half would make any snake proud. I could barely fit my mouth halfway over the sandwich. It was a tough situation I was in. How could I be beaten by the sandwich? There was no way I was going down without a fight!</p><p>I squished the avocado down and forcefully pressed the sandwich down as far as it would go. I had minimal luck. I could almost get it in my mouth. I continued to wear it down, bite after bite. Soon enough my plan was working! I could actually fit a small corner of it into my mouth! I rejoiced! It had size still on its side however. I couldn't possible eat the whole thing, or could I?</p><p>After wrestling with it for a few more minutes, I regarded the small bit left. Noting its great reduction in size I triumphed at my accomplishment. Too full to consider another bite I placed the left over bit in a bag. Though about 1/3 was left it could still be considered an entire meal. It was time to take a break, such a worthy opponent can make one weary. I sat happily down and thus write the story of the Sandwich. Even though it beat me in the first battle, I knew I would win the war.</p>Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01632386855491720165noreply@blogger.com0