18 October 2011

Grandpa Came Home

Grandpa is now home. He came home this evening and from what I heard, there was initial drama. I’m glad I wasn’t here for that.

But I’ve realized this evening that I will witness someone dying.

There isn’t much more to say at this point. I will watch the deterioration and death of a close family member.

08 October 2011

The News

I’ve been meaning to blog for some time now, but I really haven’t had the energy to do any writing. I’m so busy in my everyday life that I haven’t had much thought or time to really write. To put it into perspective, I usually do laundry once a week. Last week I did laundry after waiting two and a half weeks.

So what is the deal? Well, three weeks ago, I started working with my dad again doing (de)construction on a home, and started grading papers along with the part time office work I do. This on top of my normal writing/writerly events took up most all my time. Then Grandpa ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and he’s been going up and down, and is back in the hospital again. As of the writing, I’m not sure of the condition. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Grandma or my aunt. And it’s getting late, so I’m starting to worry a bit.

That’s what my life has been the last week, is hospital, hospital, making sure Grandma is doing alright, and running from job to job. That is alright. I was told that something was coming down the pipe my way and this could very well be it.

I’m doing alright, at the moment. Tomorrow I plan on taking a hike through the foothills near my house to enjoy nature and decompress. I may even write a poem or two. In all, I think I’ll be okay. At some point I’ll need a day or two to escape and let the stress roll away before it does me any harm.

They say death is hard, dying is harder.

P.S. In other news, please ‘like’ my author page on facebook.com/kandrewturner

19 June 2011

Father's Day

Today is Father’s Day here in the USA, and perhaps other parts of the world. Of course, you probably already know that.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ve ever written for Father’s Day. When I started blogging it was 2003 and very early in that year my dad kicked me out of the house for being gay. It was not a happy time for me, and I don’t think it was for him either. So since then, I don’t think I’ve written anything for Father’s Day. But, obviously, this year is different.

I’ll start with some background history. My parents divorced when I was around 2 yrs old, so I don’t really remember much of that time, which is probably a good thing. My dad got custody of my brother and I, and he raised us by himself for a few years before he remarried.

Up until I was kicked out, I was pretty close to my dad. We’d always gotten along well enough. My step-mom and I were close too. Then the whole kicking out thing happened, and it was not a pleasant month from my coming out to the kicking out. I did not want to be home. Awkward conversation, pent up anger on both sides, general unhappiness.

Now, after not living ‘at home’ for eight years, we’ve gotten along much better. And of course, my being older sure helps. I think I’m closer to my dad that I have ever been, and while we see eye to eye on most things, we don’t on everything. And what that is should be apparent. This last year we’ve been building a bridge, and I think that’s a good thing.

Needless to say, for a few years, thinking about celebrating my dad wasn’t something I keenly looked forward too. Sure he helped bring me into the world, but what had happened still burned in my mind. I’ve forgiven him. I still love him. And perhaps one day we will see eye to eye.

For all you father’s out there, happy Father’s Day.

07 June 2011

Why We Should All Ride Bicycles

I used to own a car. I used to drive everywhere from work, to the store, to the gym, for vacation, etc. I’ve been carless for almost four years now. That is a long time. People ask me how I can get along without a car. It is possible, and we humans have lived most of our history without automobiles.

Everywhere I need to be, I don’t need a car for. I have a bicycle that gets me to where I need to go. The grocery store, the gym, and the places I work are bike-able distances aka less than 3 miles. If I want to make special trips I can either bike or take the bus.

I must admit, however, that I tend toward the lazy. I want things done and I want them done ten minutes ago. Slowly, my patience in this regard has risen. But I’m not wrong in assuming that things should really be closer. The car has made it possible for our civilization stretch, but it also creates artificial distances in the places we live.

This is the reason we should all ride bicycles: everything would be much closer together. You wouldn’t have to drive all over town to get done what you needed done. Businesses would be close to homes (to reduce commute time and leg strain) and a variety of businesses would have to arise to complete and compliment what is needed in a particular area.

In turn, there would be a larger sense of community as people would be able to recognize those the bike past, wave, talk, etc. Roads would be vastly smaller, safer, and much less costly as they would only need to support bikes. If someone needed to travel long distance they could take a train/public transit to get to where they needed to go and these would have special roads.

Suddenly that house on a hill would not look as attractive, and more people would move to flatter areas. In turn, the general health would improve, because, hey, we’re all getting a lot more exercise!

Of course this is not viable right now, but I think, in the future, bikes will become a lot more popular. Doesn’t the world sound a little more enjoyable if you aren’t in bumper to bumper traffic and instead commute a shorter distance while getting exercise?

18 May 2011

Why I Hate/Love Hot Guys


I could perhaps be the only person on the planet to feel this way, but if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we’re not alone.

I hate hot guys. I do. I know it may sound very strange, but I do. I hate them because of the way they look, and that I don’t look that way. I hate that get tons of attention, and I don’t. I hate them because I know I can’t have them (just let me rant for a moment, thanks). I hate how everything seems effortless to them.

I also love hot guys. Contradiction? Well, we are all contradictions walking around. I love them because they are so beautiful. I love looking even though I know I can’t have them. I suppose this is where the term ‘achingly beautiful’ comes from. I want them, all of them.

Every time I look through incredibly hot mens’ profiles, I silently curse myself for looking and ever hoping that I could possible ever talk to one. I try. I send the stupid message: “Hi, how are you doing?” that only people like me ever answer. Someone who’s not hot, who’s not in the upper echelon.

Why on earth do I do this to myself? I have no idea. I find various men attractive, and base most of my ‘decisions’ on facial features, but when a man with a rocking hot bod and a beautiful face are combined, I die a little on the inside. It’s not fair. I know they worked hard to get the body they have, but there is no replacing good genetics for an attractive face.

Perhaps worst of all is the gay hot men. At least with the straight guys, I know I have no chance, at all. With gay ones I could. I could have a tiny smidgeon of hope, as close to 0 as one can get, but still there is something. Somehow it never fails...

Now, I know a few of you will comment saying that 1) I can get any one, so don’t give up hope, 2) Who are you kidding, you are one of those people, 3) Lower your standards, and 4) Don’t worry about what you don’t have, let go. And you are all probably right, but I have to say something about it because it’s been bothering me for a long time, and yes, I’ve become upset enough over it. One of the reasons I work out a lot is because I want a better body so people like this will like me too, and of course so I will like me too.



18 April 2011

Living Dreams

I received a letter last Friday informing me that my final school, U of Florida, had decided that I was not a match for them this year.

I suppose I should be upset, and I am to an extent, but this latest turn of events only seems to follow the general pattern of the year a psychic told me would be a disappointing year. She was very right, and continues to be right. I have a lot of nasty stuff coming down the drain, and it is for the best.

I’m looking at this as an opportunity to live at home and still try to live my dreams as a writer. In year that I lived here back at home I’ve barely done the writing that I should have. I’ve realized in the past few weeks, that I’ve been neglecting my craft as I shouldn’t be. I don’t work a day job and so I have all the time to write. I don’t.

This last weekend I went to a writer’s retreat where I got more writing and editing done in three days than I did all this year and some so far. I was very productive and it felt good to be moving along in my writing. I don’t need to go to school to live the writing dream, but if I want to live it, I have to start now.

I’ve submitted a story for publication last week, and I have yet to hear back, but I’m thinking this one will be accepted. I’ve got another couple stories that I’ll be submitting this week. It’s time to move and let my babies roam the world.

I haven’t given up on graduate school, but I think to get there I need to go live the writing lifestyle right now. I can’t become a better writer by not writing.

13 March 2011

Writing About Writing, and other notes

If you missed #storycraft on twitter today, you missed me and the several bombardments against my ideas. Not to worry. If you follow my other blog snowppl.wordpress.com, you will find the essay response to what happened. I spent about 3 hours crafting this reply, and while it may not be perfect, I think it sums up, generally, my ideas on the matter.

In other news, I’ve heard back from 9 of the schools I applied to, and each denied my application. I am still waiting to hear from Florida, but I’m guessing the reply will be similar. I’m not as heart-broken as I thought I would be. It just means I need to put together a stronger application next year, and that means hard work. I’m ready to jump in head first and work on my writing. My GRE scores should not have prevented entry, though who knows? I’ve been meaning to contact two of the schools about my application, as they have stated they allow, and see what part of my application I need to improve.

Last, I will be starting my Craft of Fiction class this Thursday, and that offers me a wonderful opportunity to work with ‘young’ writers on their writing. So far all of my students have been excellent, and they love what I have to offer them. Nothing is better than helping others learn what one is passionate about.

23 January 2011

The Golden Rule

Many religions talk about the golden rule or golden maxim: the principle to live by. The one statement that sums everything up. This quote is probably not as famous as the King James version, but it is easier to understand. I’ll start from here.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Matthew 7:12 NIV

Most of you have encountered the crazy religious person, and often they spew violent vitriol about eternal damnation or some such thing. I totally do not agree with the idea of damnation. I’m not a Christian in the sense most people use. And some people who call themselves Christian are not. I’m not really of any particular religion or thought pattern. That is because there is no one correct religion out there.

But we have this ‘rule’ to live by (in many forms, but I’ll stick with this one).

What does it mean, exactly? Do what to whom, and they’ll do what? No, it doesn’t mean that if you are nice to Steven, that Jill will be nice to you. It doesn’t work like that. It also doesn’t mean that if you punch John, that Adam will kick your butt. What it means is very simple. Live and interact with people as you would to yourself. Why, you might ask? Because everyone and everything is us. If you punch John, you are really punching yourself. If you are nice to Steven, you are being nice to yourself. There really isn’t much but belief that separates us from one another.

In sum the Golden Rule just means treat others as you would yourself, because everyone is you.

It may sound odd or strange, but we are all connected. I will share this story The Egg because it’s almost what I’m talking about. http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html (I’ll wait for you to finish).

While I don’t quite agree with everything he said, it sums up the connection we all have. I like to think of everyone as one entity, the Universe that encompasses everything. Inherently, then, we are not separate, but rather we are all of the same thing. This is everything: humans, plants, animals, the planets and stars. Everything is of the same thing. So when we as humans destroy the earth, really what we are doing is destroying ourselves.

So what does it have to do with living here and now? Everything of course! Do you smile and say hello? Are you rude, or swear while driving? Do you accumulate worthless material objects only to throw them away? Do you care for others? One person has a tremendous impact on the world around them. How you live affects those thousands of miles away, though indirectly in most cases. If you smile at people, they will smile at someone else, starting a chain. If you glare, or curse, that goes around too. What really happens is a change in yourself. When you smile at someone, you smile at yourself, affirming your right to care for yourself. In doing so then, you can care for others better, and in doing that, others begin to change. Love is the answer here, for if you love yourself, you love others, and if you love others you love yourself.

So, what kind of world do you want to live in?

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves. -Gandhi