06 December 2009

Which Path to Follow, Which Pawn to Move?

There are so many choices and paths in life that we simply cannot explore them all. No matter how many times I say this to myself I always end up wondering, I suppose that is the writer in me, wanting to explore paths that I otherwise did not (or could not) follow. Paths open up before us everyday and we all make hundreds of choices a day (if not more) from little ones to big ones. Somedays, when it is very quiet or I'm out in nature walking, I will think about what would have happened if, and that's when I realize I can choose to regret my decision or embrace what I thought was best when I made them.

This time for me, my what if? is more of a "What would have happened if I moved to California earlier?" or "Should I stay just a little bit longer?" But I know these questions don't do me any good. It's what is happening and what I've chosen for myself that really matters. I've said this to myself many times as well: there is no such thing as a bad decision, it's what you've chosen and what worked for you at the time. Not all choices are hard, and not all choices are easy. Many people opt for the easiest path in life, though it can often be the least rewarding and most stagnant. Hard choices can help improve one's life but can hinder as well.

I've been giving myself a lot of hard choices over the years, and I've taken easy choices as well. My current decision to return to California greatly improved my mood even though moving is very stressful. I have a lot less to worry about financial, and I think it is the best choice for me at the moment. Sure I want to stay here in New Mexico, but it just isn't in the cards for me to do so. I know I could have done more job hunting and tried to find something that paid better, but I would have had to work so much harder for everything (I am prone to fits of laziness, not to mention that crush agony of financial burden really stress one out). In California, I should have opportunity to improve my financial situation.

I don't regret moving or staying in Albuquerque, because I've made a lot of friends here, who I will be sad to leave. I've learned a lot while staying here, more than just from going to school. Living on one's own is never an easy thing, but I've learned how to cook for myself everyday, how to budget my money and still have a little bit of fun, dedication to my body to work out, and that sometimes being at home alone is the best thing. I will miss some of my freedom, but right now considering the times, it is more important to have security, because without that, what is freedom?