The Sandwich

Note: This is adapted from my original post here.

April 28, 2006

I was hungry at work. That’s basically how it goes everyday: it’s almost lunch time and the stomach tells the brain that its time to eat, again. Damn that stomach, always telling us to eat when we can’t! I want to have a sandwich so I grab the nearest piece of paper (which happens to be an index card) and steal a nearby pen and rush off to the Service Deli at my store.

I stare hard at the lumps of pre-formed meats and cheeses, ignoring the various limp and brown salads that can't hold my attention any day of the week. The harsh florescent light makes me salivate as I try to decide what I want on my precious lunch. I spot a new cheese (on sale!) a nice, light swiss. I spot brown sugar ham, sweet and substantial. I filter through my brain, a list of veggies that would work. Tomato, of course, and avocado (it’s a Californian thing). Next I pick lettuce, adding it to my list. Then comes the cucumber, and red onions. And of course some cream cheese. No mayo or mustard, disgusting. All my condiments chosen I spot a yummy wheat bread and I bring it and my list to the Deli manager and charge her with forging my sandwich, before 10. She confirms it will be ready at the appointed time, with a smile.

Rarely does anything happen at my work on time, or any work for that matter. I am no exception to this ‘rule’. I was ready to run to my car and consume my sandwich, but as work was to be done I didn't get to leave until 10:30, after my appointed date with delicious food.

I arrive home and open my bag. I stare at the sandwich. It stares back. This thing is huge! It has to be the worlds largest meant-to-be-eaten sandwich. I dub my opponent the Sandwich to Rule Them All. It's at least 8 inches long (stop the jokes already) and over 2 1/2 inches thick (ok I guess I had them coming). This sandwich could feed a family of four! But I decide to tackle it nonetheless.

I sat down and studied my prey. It was intimidating. I quickly assessed what I had going for lubrication to get it down. Avocado was abundant, tomato helped. Too bad I hadn't gotten mayo, but the fat *sigh*. I poured my self a glass of creamy chocolate milk. I pulled out a bag of crunchy cheese curls and reassessed my situation. I knew I could handle this.

I took the first bite. It was delicious. The first half was easy to eat. It squashed well, and I had no problem. The second half would make any snake proud. I could barely fit my mouth halfway over the sandwich. It was a tough situation I was in. How could I be beaten by the sandwich? There was no way I was going down without a fight!

I squished the avocado down and forcefully pressed the sandwich down as far as it would go. I had minimal luck. I could almost get it in my mouth. I continued to wear it down, bite after bite. Soon enough my plan was working! I could actually fit a small corner of it into my mouth! I rejoiced! It had size still on its side however. I couldn't possible eat the whole thing, or could I?

After wrestling with it for a few more minutes, I regarded the small bit left. Noting its great reduction in size I triumphed at my accomplishment. Too full to consider another bite I placed the left over bit in a bag. Though about 1/3 was left it could still be considered an entire meal. It was time to take a break, such a worthy opponent can make one weary. I sat happily down and thus write the story of the Sandwich. Even though it beat me in the first battle, I knew I would win the war.