What We Learn About Ourselves

Over the last few days I was talking with “Lance” and I must admit he intrigued me. I know almost nothing about him and sometimes knowing nothing can be exciting. Anyways, we originally talked about spiritual things, and I was very happy to talk about that. Not many people are willing to talk about such a deep subject; that’s exactly why he started talking to me.

We exchanged a few emails then finally got around to chatting online. The first time was fairly innocent, with a little hint of what might happen later. We talked for a good hour or so just talking about anything, learning about each other.

I should preface the rest of this: I did not know his name, what he looked like or anything other than that he is 6’5” (which is not much) and what he did tell me I don’t know if it was true or not. Basically he could have been what he said he was, or a creepy old man in a basement somewhere.

The second time we chat I knew it would be different than the first. Instantly things heated up. I’m not talking slowly, either. Very fast. Pretty soon we’re talking on the phone (he’s very private/secretive so not via phone numbers). His voice gave me extreme doubt as to who he said he was. Of course, voices don’t necessarily tell about their owners. Anyways, he whispered the whole time. Then he left for a moment, and I gave up on waiting. I didn’t want to sit there waiting for long. For him it would have been very early in the morning, so I don’t know why he would have not be able to talk continuously. To say nothing, I hung up, and lied, telling him my phone died. It was close, but it did not. I just did not want to wait anymore.

I then sent him an email that more than likely broke his heart, scarred him for life, and probably made him want to go straight. He deleted his profile, effectively burning my bridge making it impossible to talk to him again. Based on the reaction I got, it made me believe he really was who he said he was, and you never meet ‘mystery’ people who are who they say they are. Never, usually some creepy old man in a basement getting his kicks. It happens too often.

I should also mention (in the unlikely event that he reads this) that I have a stalker who would seem to stop at nothing to get a hold of me. I also have friends that would create fake people to mess with other people, including their own friends. And of course, that I have an amazing tendency to hurt myself over men than anyone I know; that is the number one reason I suppose that I don’t allow myself to feel anything. It always turns sour. It may come as a surprise to anyone reading that this is actually fairly lucky for me. Yeah. Oh and I still have a V-card.

I suppose this is a lesson the Universe wanted me to learn. The exact lesson I’m not sure, maybe to be more open, maybe to be more upfront. I have had about 10 chances in my life to grow in this manner. If you’re a new follower you may not understand, if you’re an older follower, you do. I don’t date a lot, mostly because nothing ever happens, and I’m extremely shy. I’ve been on about 4-5 dates my whole life. So perhaps this was a lesson to help me when I encounter the next man (next year, sometime).

In any case, I’ve grown and learned from this experience. Never regret anything, because every choice is precisely the right choice for you path. I regret nothing that I did. I handled the situation as best I could at that very moment, and it was the ‘right’ choice for me at the time. Perhaps I ruined something great, perhaps not. My choices have been chosen, the dice cast, the cards played. The next step now is to move on.